A few weeks ago I met this really cool mom via my daughter’s school friend. My daughter and her son had been begging for a playdate at each other’s houses and the teacher finally put us moms in touch. After hosting her son at our house, she offered to host us at hers. I arrived with my girls to their house on a Monday afternoon. I hadn’t yet met her as I had picked up the kids from school for our playdate and the sitter had picked her son up at my house (We live a block from the school.)
She invited me in for coffee while our children played and within the hour we had bonded over both our, now cold, and full cups of coffee. We had spent the hour intermittently jolting up mid-sentence to address a trip to the potty, mediate sharing battles, or check on the older children in the backyard. We also bonded over the fact that both our husbands were attorneys and apparently both our husbands hide away for half an hour to change when they come home- which drives us both nuts. But by far, our greatest common ground was that neither of us felt like we fit in with other moms in our area… This momma spoke my language; she too didn’t fit in with the chic, put-together, corporate housewives with the perfect nails, Tory Burch flats, and fresh-from-the-salon blowouts. She also expressed that she also didn’t fit in with the organic, fresh-squeezed, home-grown, home-made crunchy mom groups. We seemed to share the same sarcastic tone and live in the same state of “multiple child-rearing chaos.”
I must admit, I think we may have overstayed our welcome; I tried to leave some six or seven times but our children were having a blast and we seemed to enjoy our, albeit consistently interrupted (mom life, am I right?), conversation. So, three hours later we were finally in our car and headed back home.
My hubby was already home by the time we got back and bless his heart; I talked his ear off about this new potential mom friend for about two hours.
The next day I agonized over whether to text her or not. Is it too soon to text her? Does it make me seem desperate? If I do text her, what do I say? Is it too soon to invite them back over to our house? Or out for coffee? I don’t want to come off as needy…
Then it hit me, how much making mom friends as an adult is like dating…
I opted to text her thanking her for her hospitality and offering to reciprocate
I have to agree with Bunmi Laditan; there really should be a match.com type site for moms seeking like-minded momma friends. I even thought what my profile would say:
Mom of two under 5 seeking Lifetime mom bestie/mom squad. Must love coffee; coffee is life. Must not be afraid to admit that motherhood is not all rainbows and butterflies. (If you’re one of those “Motherhood is a blessing and technicolor dream 24/7” moms; please move on.) If you enjoy making handmade crafts, that’s cool; just please don’t try to recruit me; glue guns/needles/insert-crafting-tool-here and I don’t mesh well. Bonus: If you love binge-watching Gilmore Girls and Friends on Netflix over and over. Bonus: If cooking terrifies you. Bonus: If you obsessively buy books you most likely won’t get around to reading for another ten years. Mega Bonus: If you’re Latinx and speak Spanish.
Come to think of it…I hate that Bunmi put the idea of such a site in my head…it’s such a complete disappointment that it doesn’t exist. In fact, I feel like if Bunmi lived here or I lived in Canada, we’d likely be besties.